The Skills Coach: Feedback: A tool for growth – When it’s done thoughtfully

By Lori Berman

In many law firms, feedback is often overlooked amid day-to-day demands. But neglecting it doesn’t save time – it tends to create bigger issues down the road.

Have you ever revised an associate’s document only to send it back without explaining why you made the changes? Or worse, send the final draft directly to the client without even showing the associate? Let’s take it a step further, have you ever skipped feedback altogether and quietly decided not to work with that person again?

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Giving feedback can be uncomfortable, time-consuming, or just awkward. But it’s essential for growth, both for individuals and for teams. Without it, how can anyone improve? The reality is, when you skip the feedback, the person you’re working with will likely keep making the same mistakes – and that just creates more work for you in the long run.

So, let’s talk about how to give constructive feedback in a way that helps everyone improve. There’s a big difference between feedback that builds and feedback that breaks.

1. Be generous with positive feedback

Here’s a little secret: The more often you offer positive feedback, the easier it is for people to hear the constructive kind. When someone knows their strengths are seen and appreciated, they’re more open to hearing what needs work. It’s not about the old “feedback sandwich” where you hide criticism between compliments. It’s about recognizing and sharing specific moments of excellence in real time.

2. Be specific about the behavior

The most useful feedback is clear and behavior-focused. What exactly went well? What needs improvement? Vague comments like “Great job” or “This needs work” don’t offer enough direction. Feedback should highlight the behavior or outcome – and its impact.

And avoid judgmental language like, “You were rude” or, “This document is a mess.” Instead, describe what happened and how it affected others: “You interrupted John several times during the meeting, which shut down the conversation,” or, “The use of run-on sentences made this section hard to follow.” Specificity gives the person a path forward.

3. Make it actionable

Effective feedback points toward what can be done better next time. That means offering guidance that’s realistic and within the person’s control. Telling someone to “be more confident” isn’t actionable. Instead, try: “Next time, try pausing before responding to questions,” or, “Prepare a few talking points ahead of time to guide the discussion.”

And don’t stop at giving direction. Ask for their take. What do they think went well? What would they do differently next time? You might say: “Here’s what I noticed – what was your experience?” or, “What do you think might help next time?” That way, the feedback becomes a two-way conversation, not a one-sided download. People are more likely to follow through on improvements they helped identify.

4. Pick the right moment

Timing matters. Ask if it’s a good time to talk or schedule a time when the person can be mentally present. And never give constructive feedback in front of others – no one likes to feel exposed. A respectful, private setting makes it easier for your message to land.

5. Lead with positive intent

The purpose of feedback is to help someone grow, not to score points or vent frustration. When your intent is genuinely to help someone do better, it changes the tone – and makes it easier for the person to hear you.

Super Tip: Make it a two-way street

Research by David Rock at the NeuroLeadership Institute shows that feedback is more effective – and less stressful – when the person on the receiving end asks for it, rather than having it delivered only at the discretion of the giver. When someone actively seeks out feedback, it feels less like a threat and more like a tool for learning. And here’s the bonus: It makes the conversation easier for the person giving the feedback, too.

So, shift the dynamic. Encourage the people who work for you to regularly ask, “What’s one thing I could have done better on this project?” You’re not just reducing the emotional weight on both sides; you’re building a culture where feedback is normal, expected, and part of how everyone gets better.

Final thought

Put yourself in their shoes for a moment. If there were something holding you back – something you didn’t even realize you were doing – wouldn’t you want someone to tell you? Most of us would. When delivered thoughtfully, feedback isn’t criticism. It’s insight. And insight is what helps people grow.

 

Lori Berman, Ph.D., is an organizational psychologist and vice president of learning at Legal Innovators, an end-to-end, talent management solution for law firms and corporate legal departments. Previously, Dr. Berman was director of professional development at Hogan Lovells. She is also co-author of the book, Accelerating Lawyer Success: How to Make Partner, Stay Healthy, and Flourish in a Law Firm. You can reach her at [email protected].